This is my diary!

12/11/2025

Heyyy

I'm feeling way better today! I had a crisis this week, but it's basically over, so now I'm in a relaxed post-crisis state, like I've just run a marathon. I feel like I'm in a hot tub.

Today, I'm mostly just chill :)

19/11/2025

I feel like shitttttttt

I feel like everyone has a life but me. I hate that I don't have a job right now, my life feels sooo empty. I look at other people living their lifes and not needing me and I feel awful. I think I depend too much on my girlfriend, and she needs me way less than I need her. I sometimes resent her for having a more fufilling life than mine. Life's been so difficult lately. But also, I feel like being in a relationship really makes it hard to focus on other things. I want to spend time with my friends on weekends, but then I'd have to not spend time with her and I'm terrified that she's gonna be upset, loose the spark and break up with me. I think I need some distance. Although I love my girlfriend, my relationship is really limiting my life.

I'll try to make an effort to reconnect with my friends, with college and with art.

22/10/2025

Heyy guess who's got burn out! It's this gal!

Crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying

21/10/2025

Dear Diary,

College is taking all the life away from me. I don't do anything else but study. Before, I used to have theather classes, sing, exercise, call my friends. Not now. Now it's just school. This year has been awful. I'm in my fourth year of Psychology, and now it's basically only group work, and my group SUCKS. Like, so bad. They leave all work for me, and then judge my every move. They want to complain about everything I do, but don't do the work themselves. They are SO negative, and I feel so tired and overworked.

The worst is, I'm starting to make mistakes. I always used to be impecable. In the four years of college I'd been through, I had never gotten not even one bad grade. I used to be great in exams, because my memory used to be great. Now, I have the same conversation over and over again because I just keep forgetting. I'm saying wrong things, I'm awkward, I'm forgetful and distracted. I hate myself and who I've become. Today I was studying and found I couldn't do simple math, I just couldn't get it right. I feel like my life is breaking down in front of me. I want to leave the group and never see these people again. My room is a mess, and the house is a mess, and I just can't do anything, I'm so tired and dumb. I hate it when they judge me for my mistakes, as if it's not their fucking fault for not doing shit and leaving all the work for me.

I hate myself, I hate my life, I want to kill everyone and die.